I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
