I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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