This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
