We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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