you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
