my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
