my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
