honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just pynch a tree in the face
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
