when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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