I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
only you would photoshop your dick
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
