I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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