Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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