i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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