I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Acid is not a monday night drug
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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