Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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