I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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