Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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