he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
