I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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