i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
