I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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