I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
pray to the hookup gods
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.