I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize