Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.