you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
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I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.