the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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