the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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