Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
