Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
