I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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