I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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