The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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