Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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