i can't believe i had my finger in that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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