He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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