exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i believe in u and ur pee
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