you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
