He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
