Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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