my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
