She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
