Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
