she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Houston, we have a blender
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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