My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
being pregnant is like rehab
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
