can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
