its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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