Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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