my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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