The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
