I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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