I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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