i need an iv and a liver transplant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
