I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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