I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
