Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
