Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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