is your mom at the bar?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
