I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
