You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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