I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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