I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
