I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
