I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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